Today, as everyone in the UK is aware, is Mothering Sunday, or simply Mothers Day. This is my third as a mother, and second as a blogger. I do still very much think of mothers day in regard to my own mum. Yesterday my aunt told me to “enjoy your day tomorrow” and it took me a good few seconds to realise she was talking about the fact I’m a mum and it’s my day as much as my own mums day. I think part of this is to do with the fact I don’t have an other half to make it special for me and my own daughter isn’t old enough to realise what day it is. My mum does try, she gets a gift and writes a card from Little Miss as she does with Christmas and my birthday, but I usually cook, or we go for lunch in honour of my mum, rather than for me or my sister. Last year (and a few time since) I talked about my mother, how she’s my hero, my inspiration and my guidance. This year I’m talking about my life as a mother, in the form of a letter to my daughter. I write a letter to my daughter every year on her birthday for her to read when she turns sixteen or eighteen as part of my 101 Things in 1001 Days, but this will be a more generic and public version to mark the day.
Although I’ll put in a little warning now that this is stereotypically filled with sentimental value that usually goes along with the day, our life isn’t all the rainbows and butterflies i’ve painted below. I do often hide in the kitchen and eat chocolate because I don’t want to share with Little Miss, and I very much enough my breaks to visit friends once in a while. I also occasionally simply open the two bedroom doors and let her play in her room so I can have an extra half an hour in bed. Sometimes you just have to have the little things to cope with the big things (like bloody potty training, URGH!)
But anyway, my letter to my daughter. Happy Mothers Day.
My beautiful daughter,
Anyone who ever says that being a mother is the easiest thing in the world, is lying. It’s hard, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life, but being your mum is the most natural thing in the world. I don’t even have to think twice about it, about choosing to do the best for you over what I want. I do wish I had spent more time exploring the world, I wish I’d had a chance to work at Disney, but this is only fleeting wistfulness, because I know in a few years time anywhere I want to see, you can come along too.
The beginning of your life was more hardship than happiness, though I will never blame you for those unhappy years, I just wish I could have been a better mother to you at the start. It was never your fault and although I struggled and often cried myself to sleep on the nights you wanted to stay awake, all I wanted was to be strong enough to be the kind of mother you deserved, not the kind of person you father made me feel like. You remained my beacon of hope, you kept me going when I wanted to stop, you were and are the light in my life. I will never be able to thank you enough for being one of the reasons i’m still here today. I believe we will always have an incredibly bond, we will always be close, not just because you’re my first, but because we have this time together on our own, however long it may continue to last.
I am so lucky that you are such a wonderful child. You have your moments as we all do, you can definitely be hard work. But I rarely have to raise my voice, I rarely have to scold you for being naughty. The days of going into the kitchen and crying are long gone. And yes you are still young, but you’re incredibly smart for your age, you’re also funny and beautiful, I am so thankful you never inherited my nose! Of course I don’t expect life to always be this simple, where you are happy to watch Tinkerbell more than once through so I’m able to keep on top of everything else in my life, but I plan from now on to take the bad with the good.
You are a wonderful little girl, and I want to give you everything in the world. I know i’m guilty of spoiling you, but even what I do provide I feel is never enough. You’re so special and dear to me. I know that life isn’t all about material possessions, I’m well aware you have more than enough, but since for the time being I can’t give you all the experiences you deserve, a new colouring book or two will have to do.
You are my happy ever after, baby girl. And I love you.
Hope you’ve all had a wonderful Sunday/Mothers Day, whether you’re spending time with your mother or not. I actually spent the morning baking a butter-less victoria sponge then spent the afternoon at my parents with the rest of my family and eating a chinese take out for tea so now one had to cook. It wasn’t breakfast in bed and I did loose an hours sleep due to daily light savings but on the whole, it has been a lovely day.