On Being a “Bad Mum”

Last night when I couldn’t sleep (still struggling with jetlag) I watched the movies Bad Moms. I’m not going to review the movie but I did enjoy it as it was my sense of humour, it was definitely much better than I thought. What I’m going to talk about is what I was thinking about while watching, the fact that I’m really not a perfect mum, and I’m sure in many instances, I’m a bad mum.

Nowadays there is so much pressure on being this perfect mum that it makes it harder than ever to feel like you’re doing a good job in raising your children. Every day at some point I feel like a failure, 90% of the time I cry. I just feel like I’m constantly failing and it feels so much worse being an single parent as I have no one to share the child raising responsibility with.

What is worse is the fact the internet is littered with these blogs about being the perfect parent and having the perfect life and perfect white home. It just adds to the pressure and again, I feel like a failure. I know you’re not supposed to compare yourself, but in a world where everyone feels like they need to share their lives, the perfect side of their lives, you can’t help but feel inadequate.

So today I’m bravely sharing the things that I feel make me a “bad mum” the whole naked truth, nothing white washed. And maybe somewhere out there it’ll help someone else feel a little better about their secret bad motherhood habits.

– I buy chocolate and sweet treats for myself and eat it in the kitchen when LMs back is turned.
– My daughter is nearly 5 and 90% of the time when my boyfriend isn’t here she sleeps in my bed, not because she wants to, but because I’m lonely.
– I hate washing up and usually leave it until I’m running out of something such as plates or cutlery.
– In addition to that I would rather pile it all on the drainer than dry and put it away instantly.
– When LM is misbehaving I shout at her. It’s pretty much the only form of punishment I use.
– Our TV is always on.
– I rarely cook at home unless my boyfriend is here. Instead we eat at my mums.
– I don’t make LM eat vegetables. She likes peas, beans and sweetcorn but I never make her eat anything else. I’m hoping she’ll learn to like things in her own time.
– I’m always late doing the school run. I’d rather have that extra time in bed.
– I’m much more clingy than Little Miss.
– I don’t take part in any school activities and because of this I have no parent friends in my home town.
– I cannot ignore her when she has a tantrum. I shout, I bargain and usually give into her just for peace.
– If I can’t be bothered to cook and we’re not at my parents we have take out.
– I hate ironing and don’t currently own a working iron so sometimes her school uniform (and all our clothes) is creased.
– I rarely buy anything for or decorate the house as I’d rather go on holiday and I don’t see this as our forever home.
– I’ve passed on my irrational fear of spiders and the doctors to her.
– I hate arts and crafts and messy play. She only ever does it at my parents.
– Like wise, I get too stressed out when she helps me bake that I always do it when she’s in bed.
– I only bath her once a week, in my defence the water usually aggravates her eczema, but mainly washing her hair is just a huge battle.
– I only do washing when we run out of pants.
– Sometimes when I’m so mad I lock myself in the bathroom and cry just so she can’t get to me.
– I get to a point in the day where I’m just done parenting, always about 30 minutes before bedtime. I can no longer deal with the demands or the constant “mama, mum, mummy” so I have to go upstairs and lie on my bed until 7pm.
– In the car I always make the kids play the “who can be the quietest” game rather than listening to the constant questions.
– Sometimes I say “mummy is busy” while I’m browsing social media.
– Sometimes I fake cry so Little Miss will feel bad.
– I secretly want to punch all the mums that are at the school gates early, fully made up and their kids in pristine condition while I look like a walking haystack.
– I’ve lied about bedtime, both at night and in the morning.
– Now that Little Miss is four I let her go downstairs alone in the morning, she can put the tv on and she lies and watches it under a blanket. She knows to shout on me when she gets hungry which is often over an hour after she gets up.
– When I have to parent while being sick, I usually let Little Miss get into bed beside me and give her the iPad to play on.
– I forget to hoover.
– I throw out toys LM hasn’t looked at in a while when she’s in bed. If she asks about them I say they got lost. She rarely asks about them.
– I often take a nap during the day while she watches a movie.

I’m sure there are so many more things I do that to society would probably make me a bad mum. Of course on a regular basis I lie to myself to make each day more survivable. Of course all these things I do technically make me human rather than a bad mum but because the pressure society seems to put on people to be perfect parents these days it’s an uphill battle every day. Your kid should eat healthy, you shouldn’t discipline your child in certain ways, they shouldn’t constantly be exposed to technology, you must breastfeed, you must do child led weaning, your kids must only wear and eat organic. As a parent you should embrace all your children’s activities, you shouldn’t moan on social media, you should eat kale and go to the gym. There is so many dos and donts that being a parent in 2016 is actual a mine field!

Would I do it again? Of course. I love Little Miss so much that I would die for her but being a parent is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and I’m not convinced it would have been any easier had I not done the last four years alone. I think it’s hard for everyone and if you say you’ve had an easy ride you’re clearly lying! Yes, it’s nice to put your best face forward and have everyone think your life is perfect, but ladies, we’re all in this together! Next time you see a mum struggling, why not offer her a anecdote from your day to day that makes her feel like she’s not alone, I promise she’ll be so grateful!